


As Sure As Ferrets Are Ferrets

by orphan_account



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: AU-Medieval, Alpha Derek, Dave Inspired, Derek is a King, F/M, Ferrets all around, Humor, King!Chris, King!Derek, M/M, Magic!Stiles, Princess!Allison, Seriously a lot of ferrets, fluffy stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-05-02 22:09:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5265506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles’s mouth dropped open, “What?” he squeaked, “You have trickster spirits inside of ferrets?”</p><p>“There was an infestation! The sorcerer we called in was particularly stupid, so we had to rely on our limited ability for spells, and the book said ferrets were animals who didn’t suffer!” Derek defended himself, “The plan was to let them stay locked in a safe perimeter until the treaty was signed and we could take care of it!”</p><p>Stiles burst out laughing, gorgeous eyes twinkling, “You’re unbelievable! You chose a safe perimeter so that the ferrets didn’t get anxious! It’s adorable!”</p><p>“It was better for the spell,” Derek lied, blushing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As Sure As Ferrets Are Ferrets

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TabithaAstroradical](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TabithaAstroradical/gifts).



> Sooo  
> I wrote this with one armed (yay broken bones) and whilst doing NaNoWriMo. For my bro, who gave me this prompt:  
> ferrets are released into the palace and must be rounded up before an important social event. however, the ferrets have a dark secret...  
> I hoped it's okay! (title from a quote by Lewis Carroll)

  _He wore a tiny turquoise stud earring I always associated with Dungeons and Dragons types. Men who own ferrets and think magic tricks are cool.” _  
__

_-Gillian Flynn, Dark Places_

* * *

“Sire,” Isaac bit his lip, “We have a problem.”

 

King Derek ignored him, continuing to talk with King Chris Argent, “The opportunities for new crops in the eastern peninsula –“

 

“ _Sire_ , it’s –“

 

“ –we’ll have to take into account the recent changes in the area’s climate since the Fereon coven moved there, but –“

 

“Sire, the ferrets are loose!” Isaac blurted out, making stop mid-sentence.

 

Argent frowned, “ _Ferrets_? Since when are there _ferrets_ in the castle? Your Majesty –“

 

“We will talk later, Your Majesty,” Derek cut him off, alarm starting to creep in.

 

Argent huffed and rolled his eyes, not amused, but he left while muttering under his breath. The minute he was out of the royal quarters, he turned to his manservant with a glare.

 

Isaac gulped. It was an extremely focused glare, and even though he knew the King would never hurt him, he still had his sense of self-preservation, no matter what Boyd said.

 

“How exactly did the ferrets escape?” the King asked very, very calmly.

 

“One of the guards was drunk when he received an order, went down the wrong corridor…the ferrets did the rest, I’m afraid.”

 

Derek pinched the bridge of his nose, “Make sure he is no longer a part of my guard. How big is the damage?”

 

Isaac closed his eyes, fearing the reaction, “All of them escaped, sire.”

 

A horrifying, deafening roar could be heard throughout the capital. One of the seamstresses sighed, stopped her work, and complained, “What did they do to make the King angry now?”

 

Her friends just groaned.

…

Sir Erica was gleeful when Derek found her.

 

“Oh, Der-bear!” Boyd snorted, “Isn’t this exciting?” her huge, wicked eyes turned to him, “We’re going ferret-hunting!”

 

Scott, the youngest knight, made a strangled sound, and Derek glanced at him before glowering at Erica, “You’re doing nothing of the sort, Erica. You _know_ it’ll be a disaster if you do.  I’ve got the King’s son here, about to agree to a truce, and I don’t want my entire kingdom going _mad_ ,”  he lowered his voice, “ _You_ are going to talk to Deaton, get me a _decent_ sorcerer –if we get a repeat of the last time, I’m going to strangle you – and bring him tome as soon as possible.”

 

Erica smirked and hopped off with Boyd. The other knight nodded at Derek, as if reassuring him that they’d get it done. Thank the gods for Boyd.

 

He sighed and faced his Knights of the Moon, “Who’s been practicing their shift?”

 

Greenberg swallowed.

 

Training was hard and dragged out for longer than he would have wished, but by the time Derek got to his quarters, he was satisfied and feeling ready to keep the negotiations going. Surely the sorcerer would take care of everything in less than a day, and he’d manage to stave off another war.

 

And then he found a kid playing with one of the Moonstones on his desk.

 

He ran towards him, too fast for a human, and had the kid immobilized, claws against his throat before he could breathe.

 

“Shit,” the kid –actually, he was just a little younger than Derek, now that he could see him up close – wheezed, “Deaton told me to come up here.”

 

He froze, and then, “ _You_ ’re the sorcerer? The _competent_ sorcerer?”

 

Derek took a step back, flabbergasted. Usually, the sorcerers that Deaton had any respect for were old and wise, with no clear gender most of the time, giving off an aura of mystery and pure magic. The guy in front of him looked to be about eighteen, dressed in modest clothing, common as they came. He had beautiful amber eyes, and his hair stuck out everywhere, and he was gangly and tall and…

 

The guy shot him a glare, cutting off his train of thought, “Yeah, what’s your deal, dude? Is this like, your way of interaction? Are you so awkward that you need to threaten people? _Yikes_ , man, you should really talk about that to someone. Do Kings have therapists? If they don’t, that would explain a lot.”

 

Derek stared at him, “Are you for real?”

 

He grinned, “Yup! I’m Stiles, from the lower town, recently apprenticed. Good ol’ Deaton tells me you need to solve something with these magic fingers,” he waggled his eyebrows for good measure.

 

Derek was going to _kill_ Deaton. He took a deep breath, “Do you know how to round ferrets up?”

 

‘Stiles’ looked really confused, which made Derek’s heart sink, “ _Ferrets_? Since when does the capital have a ferret problem?”

 

“Some ferrets were released this morning. We need to get them under control before… _something_ happens,” Derek said carefully.

 

Stiles didn’t buy it, “Like what? Too adorable? Too many cute noises? Do you _like_ getting rid of the fun? Is it your kink? Come on, you can tell me, I’m  good with secrets.”

 

Derek stared some more, “You’re one of a kind, aren’t you?”

 

Stiles mocked-bowed, but his eyes showed that he hadn’t forgotten his question. Derek sighed, running his fingers through his hair, “They’re…a safety hazard.”

 

The other man raised his eyebrows.

 

He caved, “They’re…enchanted. They’re not supposed to be ferrets; the ferrets are vessels. They’re _mjon_ spirits.”

 

Stiles’s mouth dropped open, “What?” he squeaked, “You have trickster spirts inside of _ferrets_?”

 

“There was an infestation! The sorcerer we called in was particularly stupid,  so we had to rely on our limited ability for spells, and the book said ferrets were animals who didn’t suffer!” Derek defended himself, “The plan was to let them stay locked in a safe perimeter until the treaty was signed and we could take care of it!”

 

Stiles burst out laughing, gorgeous eyes twinkling, “You’re unbelievable! You chose a safe perimeter so that the ferrets didn’t get anxious! It’s adorable!”

 

“It was better for the spell,” Derek lied, blushing.

 

Stiles grinned, “Don’t you dare feed me that crap. Come on, Ferret Lover, let’s capture those spirits before you do another completely ridiculous thing.”

 

Derek grumbled, but followed him out.

…

The plan…was not going to plan.

 

After spending a day outside casting locator spells and coming back empty-handed, Stiles had declared that something wasn’t right.

 

“I think someone started the infestation on purpose,” he informed Derek, who was exhausted after talking to Chris Argent, or, as Erica liked to call him, “Cool Older Guy”, “I think they don’t want you to sign the treaty, or they need you weak or something, because the ferrets have been warded against scrying and locators.”

 

Derek frowned, “But…Who would want that? And why set the ferrets loose? Why not just release the spirits?”

 

“Only the person who captured them can release them, Derek, this is basic spellwork,” Stiles rolled his eyes, “Anyway, to get them I need to physically get one or find the caster.”

 

Derek bit his lip, “People have already started to become affected,”

 

It was true. That morning, five commoners had complained about people dancing non-stop, objects moving of their own accord, strange singing without a source…If it reached King Argent’s ear…

 

“Hey,” Derek felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked up to see Stiles smiling faintly at him, “We’ll figure it out, okay?”

 

Somehow, he trusted Stiles. He nodded, mind elsewhere. Didn’t he deserve some peace after the death of his family? After Kate? After his sister’s murder? After _everything_?

 

The young sorcerer brightened up suddenly, “Hey! Do you want to go out with me and Scott? He’s been trying to woo Prin –a lady, and he wants to drink himself stupid tonight so he has enough courage to talk to her.”

 

Derek raised an eyebrow, “And would this lady be, perhaps, Princess Allison?”

 

Stiles flushed, “If it happened to be, you didn’t hear it from me.”

 

He laughed and accepted the offer.

 

Scott tensed up when they got there, frowning confusedly at Stiles, but he only grinned and patted Derek’s back, “Hey, Scotty. This here’s my new friend Derek, who is in no way going to judge you tonight.”

 

 _Friend_. It’d been a long time since anyone willingly called themselves his friend. Isaac, Erica and Boyd were great, his _pack_ ¸ but they looked up to him, and he always had to give an example. Stiles was his equal in a way that no one else dared to be.

 

 _Friend…or something more_.

 

But Derek wanted to enjoy the night, not torture himself, so he relaxed and laughed and rolled his eyes at Sir Scott’s dreamy descriptions of the foreign princess, allowing himself to glow when Stiles’s thigh brushed his under the table of the tavern.

 

…

 

“It was a werewolf,” Stiles announced, not even bothering to knock.

 

Isaac, who had been lightning the fire, yelped, surprised. Derek sighed; he’d have to remind him to sharpen his nose again.

 

“What about a werewolf?” he asked, walking towards the sorcerer.

 

Stiles blinked, “The ferrets. It was werewolf lunar magic that set the spirits loose the first time,” at Derek’s confused look, he elaborated, “Deaton and I caught one and managed to get some information,” he smirked, “Don’t worry, we released the  ferret into the wild, Nature Boy.”

Isaac snorted, and then looked horrified, “I’m just gonna –“ he fled.

 

“We need to find a creepy, revenge-crazy werewolf, I told myself,” Stiles continued, “so I investigated. And guess what? Allison said that they heard of a rogue werewolf attacking a village when they were passing through. Let’s go!”

 

He looked at Derek, expectant.

 

He hesitated, “Stiles…I’m in the middle of treaty negotiations…I don’t know if I can…”

 

The thing was, more people were showing up every day with problems: forgetting to speak, only quacking or barking, animals that started randomly flying, food that appeared and disappeared, a distressed fairy who’d been turned invisible by “someone”… Ferrets were running through the streets, spreading the madness, but Derek couldn’t afford to lose standing with Chris.

 

“C’mon, Der, we’ll have fun!” Stiles’s eyes lit up, “I could bring Scott, and we can do a proper quest and –“

 

“Stiles,” Derek cut him off, “I have matters to attend, and I don’t need distractions.”

 

Stiles’s entire expression fell, “Oh,” his voice came out small, restrained, “Okay,” he turned and left.

 

Fuck. Derek was _an idiot_ , “Stiles, wait –!”

 

But the sorcerer was already gone. He growled, punching the wall in frustration, and cringed when his fist left a mark on the stone.

 

…

Derek was shaken awake, and he startled, eyes glowing before he realized it was a frantic sir Scott who was trying to get to him.

 

“Stiles went after the werewolf alone!” he blurted out, “It’s a full moon!”

 

Immediately, Derek snapped awake, jumping out of the bed, “Where did he go, Scott?” he growled.

 

“I don’t know! Maybe the forest?” Scott bit his lip, “We can’t track him; Stiles is always warded. Can you help me find him? He’s going to get killed!”

 

He didn’t even have to ask. Derek was out of the door and running half-shifted before he could finish his sentence. He tried to locate Stiles’s honeyed scent, always excited, sometimes slightly aroused (he was young, it was normal), the feel of his presence…

 

 _There_.

 

Derek chased after it, anxious and desperate, uncaring that he was running half-shifted through the entire city, probably scaring some of the commoners. His brain was on a loop: _Stiles, Stiles, Stiles_. He caught the scent of _blood_ ¸ and he growled.

 

Soon, Scott was there beside him, howling for Stiles too. They ran into the dark woods, following the scent, until they sensed him.

 

Another wolf. A big, strong, Alpha wolf.

 

Both of them froze. There, in a small clearing, Stiles was being held up by his throat by the Alpha, who turned…

 

“ _Uncle Peter_ ,” Derek roared, furious and confused. It was definitely his uncle, but Peter had died in the fire, hadn’t he? He’d always thought…

 

Stiles was making small, choked noises, and Derek let his fangs show, approaching them. Peter smiles, eyes glowing red.

 

“Let him go,” he ordered, voice deep.

 

Peter did, and Stiles dropped like he was a rag doll, coughing and whining, “He’s such a fun little thing,” his uncle said, amused, “Very smart, too. At least, until he had to face off an Alpha. I _knew_ killing that pack in the north had been a good idea.”

 

Derek stared, “What –?”

 

“You were going to let _Argents_ live in peace!” Peter snarled, kicking Stiles, and Derek instinctively growled, hearing Scott do the same.

 

“Chris is a good man, Laura knew that –“ he froze, realizing in horror, “…you killed Laura.”

 

Peter smirked, clapping slowly, “I _knew_ you’d get there eventually, nephew. Always so bright, aren’t you? And no Argent can be good, naïve child.”

 

He smiled, taking a step towards him, and charged.

 

Distantly, Derek was aware of Scott running to Stiles, whispering to him, but the rest of his head was in the fight, his arms coming to meet Peter’s vicious attacks. His uncle was strong, and big, and if he was a Beta he would have gone down already, but he stood his ground, grunting with effort. Peter’s claws sliced his arm, and he roared, furious, even though a part of his mind was saying, _he’s your uncle, he read stories to you at night..._

 

And suddenly, Peter froze, and a voice shouted, “ _Efleanor!”_

His uncle went down, eyes rolling to the back of his head, whole body slack, and Derek stared at Stiles, who was being held up by Scott, arm thrust forward.

 

“I knew how to incapacitate a werewolf, you jerk!” he wheezed, and it weirdly reminded of when they’d met, “Also, fuck you very much!”

 

They forced Peter to send the spirits back into their plane and Deaton did a very complicated ritual to make sure Peter was just a regular werewolf before chaining him in the dungeons, and Chris Argent signed the treaty.

 

“But the most important part,” grinned Stiles, the cheeky asshole, “is that now you’ve got your very own ferret rescue camp!”

 

Unfortunately, it was true. Between Isaac and Stiles, they’d managed to find all of the missing ferrets (now without evil spirits) and set them free in a part of the woods they knew was safe. To everyone’s surprise (and Derek’s mortification), the ferrets had taken a liking to him, and refused to leave him, showing up at the castle and always curling on his bed.

 

Derek sighed, and looked at Princess Allison and King Chris, who were getting ready to leave. The Princess was smiling at something sir Scott had just said, and Derek got the impression that the young knight would the kingdom _very_ soon to get betrothed.

 

Stiles was still yapping about Derek was a brooder and how he was an ungrateful little sourwolf. Amused, Derek told him, “Stiles, shut up.”

 

He glared, “You can’t tell me what to do –!”

 

Derek leaned down and kissed him. Stiles, for once in his life, obeyed.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Comments and kudos are always appreciated!


End file.
